9 Things I Regret Doing In Life Earlier

((I drafted this 2 weeks ago so yea))

Hello Assalammualaikum, so I'm in class Advanced Reporting right now. Class starts at 8.30AM but my lecturer usually comes at 9AM. But now is already 9.22AM. Hey, diploma leavers do you know in degree there's no longer such thing as "Kalau lecturer tak datang 30 min, kita boleh balik bilik" i don't even know if the rule is real, but we held on to it religiously. But no man. They have no time for your bs nymore. Ahahaha. Yeap, for those who passed diploma and took asasi/matriks instead, we lived by that rule.

Tengok gambar macam apa aku nak cakap ni heavy and inspirational sangat kan. 

• Chose exams over family time

So, this happened like a lot when I was sitting for SPM. Circa 2014. I took SPM as a big deal, and kebetulan my family vacations pulak masa either on exam, or seminggu cuti penggal sekolah. So my family went to Phuket, I stayed home. Then the went to Pulau Perhentian. Again, I chose to stay at home. But not that alone because I had my girls slept over at my house. For days. Haha. Shoutout to Yana and Raiza! Regret... Yes and that's why it's listed as top 1. It just bummed me out when I went to intensive course at Cambridge language centre after finished my SPM and Teacher Allis told us that every time you have to make a choice and it involves between study or family. Always choose family. Sebab you wont focus anyway. 

And the fact that I sacrificed family time just to study but only got like 3As for SPM really slapped me in the face. HAHAHA

• Tak makan gulai patin masak tempoyak earlier 

Ugh, ngidam teruk. 

• Anti Superheroes Movies

I never liked superheroes movies before. Because they don't exist. But now that I think of it, I think I'm one of them. TIBAAAAAAAAH

• Choosing Quantity>Quality 

This is for shopping-wise. You know when we were younger we didn't mind buying shirts or shoes or handbags that are cheap? Well guess what, they will only last for 5 months. Whereas if you go for quality, they can last up to 5 years, or more. Always always always go for quality. But this develops thru time la. I was really a cheapskate back then. I swear to god. 

• Didn't utilize my privileges 

So ni takda la privilege sangat. But just macam thigs I did when I was younger. So when I was in primary school, I had such a hectic life. My parents were like, one of the most typical Asians you would ever find. Like I went to tuition since I was 6 y/o, I swum since I was 4 y/o. I went to violin class when I was 10. There was this one phase of my life, I had to go to the clinic to take like supplements and vitamins sebab I was too tired. Masa I was 11 till 12, I went to 2 tuition centres; Kumon, Mawar. So habis sekolah at 1pm++, terus siapkan homework then like at 4pm, I'll go to Kumon, lepastu at nights pergi swimming training, then hujung minggu pergi violin class and there are days I pergi tusyen Mawar. Like. So. Tired. 

When I was 12, I decided to like let go most of it. Violin class, swim. But for swimming, I just stopped joining competition but I still swim regularly. Plus when I was 12 my parents were splitting up at that time. So I was tired la physically and mentally. Sorta.

But now that I'm 21, jadi dugong terdampar, rasa menyesal pulak quit semua tu ahsfbakfab

Like I sometimes have a thought, if I dont quit those things mesti I am somebody right now. It's just a though anyway. 

•  Cried for hours in front of mirror

I had conflicts in my life and most of it were related to self-confidence issue after I quit swimming. Because I had period when I was 12. And kan ada orang period, nothing changes. But ada orang bila dah datang haid, physical dia lain gila. Yea, I'm the second one. Obviously. 

So, berat badan aku naik mendadak and there were times aku naik 4kg-5kg in A WEEK. But I tell yall, 2009 was not my year. Memang lain gila 12 tahun aku 6 bulan pertama, and 6 bulan seterusnya. 

So every time, my family nak keluar jalan-jalan, I took the longest time to siap. Sometimes 3 hours later. Sebab sibuk menangis takda baju and seluar yang muat. Lmao. 

I know sekarang aku nampak macam aku antara wanita terkonfiden di dunia tapi semua tu bukan dibentuk dalam few days ya, it took me years. Studying masscomm really lifted up my confidence. 

Alhamdulillah

• Let myself being a victim of bully

ahaha this part kalau nak cerita full kena ada satu blog post khas untuk "buli". But best believe I was bullied in primary school. Primary school was not my time, secondary school and university are. 

Started since I was 7. I never really liked my environment when I was in Seksyen 20 pun. Long story short, there was this time, masa class English, I was doing my work la alone. I had no friends back then. Lepastu the boys in my class took my book lepastu main campak campak between diorang. Lepastu aku pun start la gelabah kan. Tapi tak dapat juga buku, I went to toilet. Konon nak relax sekejap. Lepastu bila balik from toilet, I found that my book were spitted my boys in class. Diorang ludah ramai ramai. So I told my teacher bout it. She inhaled, and said

"Ezzani, I tak tahu la apa nak jadi dengan you ni"

wtf?

I really wanted to cry. But then I said to myself "Takpela kalau cikgu, kawan-kawan tak suka aku. Atuk, nenek, uwan, ayah, ibu, adik beradik sayang aku" LMAO ME 7 Y/O LAGI MATANG DARI ME 21 Y/O

Itu baru satu. Aku malas nak cerita semua nanti aku emo!!!1!!11!!! Thank god my mom changed my school to SMK24. The first day, I made lots of friends and the atmosphere really changed.

So yea, I only told my parents bout it when I was already in secondary school. Sebab baru rasa nak borak. Haha

• Used gossip as a magnet 

Fast forward, yea, I used this dickhead move just to have friends when I was in mid of 12-13. Taknak explain panjang sebab rasa jijik. But prolly the main reason I did it nyway because I didnt have friends and just wanna be accepted. But really, that was a dickhead move. I know. 

• When things don't go as planned, first thing that i do, is to blame everyone but me 

Percayalah most of our problems, we are the ones who created them. Don't be so grumpy. Just learn. I'm still learning, tho. I hope I can be wise.

Dear, Ayah.

Hello Assalammualaikum.


Hey how yall doing. It’s the 8th Ramadan I believe. Going good?
So i just wanna share that it’s my first day working at this kedai songkok.
It’s a very relaxing job btw.
So, back to the story.
After dealing with some customers, and susun some of the songkok, i sat on a chair.
Then came this one old man and said “Assalammualaikum”
 And smiled to me widely that his wrinkles were showing.
So i jawab la salam sambil senyum juga.
I had an instinct that he was not going to buy any of the songkok.
I thought he was approaching me bcs he wanted to know what’s the direction to surau
But nope. My instinct was wrong.
He actually approached me because he wanted to some donation for his son.
He grabbed something from his pocket
It was his son’s offer letter to further study in Master
Science in Business Management (BM750)
Then I chatted few mins with him
You know, a light conversation. Like where's he staying and all.
He told me his son didn’t get scholarship because he got second class degree.
Then i handed him only few money, as I dont always carry money in my purse.
Plus it’s my first day.
Idk maybe because the fact that I’m a student too made me feel sorry for giving him only few.
I said sorry and congratulated him and his son.

.


.




.


Few seconds after he left, I felt very deeply truly sad
Idk. Maybe because I'm not that closed anymore with my dad
I mean, we used to be best-friends.
We would lepak at mamak. Eat nasi kandar.
Watch football matches together while eating Maggi Kari

I always see dads as a figure who are cold and frightening
And how dads are failures when it comes in expressing their feelings
Let alone their punchlines (yknow, dad jokes)
Not sacrificing enough as mothers would
I came to my senses
Maybe what I witnessed today is beyond of my point of view in life
Maybe dads do have feelings (well durr, idk i always thought guys are senseless & emotionless)
Maybe they cried at nights wishing we would give them a call
Maybe they expected some surprises even though they always tell us not to do so
Maybe they sacrifice as much as our moms do



Maybe it’s us

Sketch: Psychedelic Themed Outfit

Hello, assalammualaikum!

I just discovered that sketching people's outfit-of-the-day (ootd) can be so much fun!

I'm new to this, hence the failure to sketch people's hands and feet. Haha. I'll learn more on YouTube heheh. or attend art classes? Yeap, one of my bucket list.

This, is my friend's ootd. She's the second person I sketched based on real person. I mean, if you have my Instagram or Twitter account you can see there are sketchers I sketched earlier. But I actually copied those from an illustrator, designer, content creator that I just found! Her blog is Katie Cadamatre I loooooooooove love love lover her website! And yes, this post is also inspired by her website.

I also love love loveeee how my friend did some mix and match with her outfits as you can see, it is actually a dress, paired with a different top. It's true what people say, self-confidence is the most attractive quality a person can wear.

Wanna get her looks? 

Dress: Forever 21

Top: Ti:zed

Theme: Psychedelic (colour of life or i'd think, hippie)

Shawl: By herself, can ask her personally

Own it. Rock it.

How To Change Course? Is It Possible?

Hey yalls. Assalammualaikum.

I just wanna singgah sini sekejap and write something. I've an announcement. Yeap for those who follow my Instagram account, you'd know that a month ago I uploaded on igstory saying that I got Corporate Admin aite. But that was my second choice. First? Of course MassComm dihatiku.

and the announcement is.... SAY HELLO TO FUTURE JOURNALIST IN TOWN!

So long story short, last sem, masa part 5 diploma I mean, I took MUET masa sesi yang ketiga. If thats the jargon. Kan orang kata boleh kan apply penerapan kalau takda result MUET, asal kan dah ambik. So that's what I thought la. Sekali, tak dapat panggilan temuduga. At first. Agak kecewa.

Then, sekali few days after my friends went to the interview, lecturer WhatsApp class rep kot, cakap siapa nak penerapan but tak dapat panggilan temuduga, WhatsApp nama and no student. YAY! Ada harapan. Katanya kalau ikut sistem baru, tak ramai. So diorang bukak? Something liddat.

But it was a last minute thing la. Since macam dia cakap hari Khamis kot. Interview Sabtu. I was eager. As usual. So sent la. Last minute preparation is nevah a good idea.

Lepastu, I've this one habit. Kalau nervous sangat, tak boleh tidur. So, as expected, I woke up late :))))))) Bila dah bangun lambat, semua jadi tak kena la kan. Nearly gave up on the interview. Glad talked to ibu and some of friends. Actually interview tu held from 8am-5pm. Tapi dah gelabah kan so patah semangat sekejap. Sekejap je. Aku terfikir dalam kereta, macam bodo je taknak pergi interview sebab takut kena marah datang lambat.

Then sat for the interview. Weird thing is, interview degree was easier than diploma. Hahah. Lecturer dah taknak buli students kot. Because masa iv diploma, dia tanya la soalan like "Who's the Prime Minister of Australia?" "Nama cucu Sultan Selangor?", tapi bukan aku la yang kena soalan tu. My friends kena. Hehe. I'm always lucky. Hehe.

Untuk interview degree I sense higher degree of maturity la. Like lecturer lebih focus on your understanding about major you picked. and talk with you about your future. Eh actually kan, it depends on your panel. Like mine, alhamdulillah, both iv masa diploma and degree dua dua baik.

Then masa hari keluar result degree tu, nak keluar jantung aku dapat Corporate Admin. Ok sebenarnya kan that was one of the initial goal la. At first. But then no more. At first I was kind....of happy. Sebab aku terbayang nanti jadi pegawai hubungan diplomat ke, kerja embassy ke. So yknow aku berangan nanti aku kaya. Hehehe.

Gittttewwwwwwww

Tapi lepas masuk study, meh. Ala tahu jela, kalau suka satu benda tu tak ikhlas. Whats gonna happen. None of em berangan can make me stronger at that time. Aku tengok igstory member member aku, aku asyik nangis sebab i was like "If only i make changes pretty quickly tanpa berangan duit"

Dia macam mana eh. Im not that smart, but if I push myself, i THINK i can score. Highlight: Think. Tapi takda hati duh. Sumpah. I asked my friend kalau boleh nak tengok syllabus Journalism. Masa aku tengok tu, *pap*, I (think I) cried (as in bergenang air mata. Bukan nangis yang sobbing tu) sebab I know that was my passion.

So I gave it a chance. Seminggu. Kalau tak ngam jugak, that's that. Takkan nak tunggu satu sem baru nak tukar. Idk man. Im not good at waiting. And aku jenis tak reti go with the flow. I make my own flow. (Ini applicable kat benda benda berfaedah aku buat je. Pasal terbabas tidur apa semua, tu bukan "go with the flow", tu semua sampah. I'm still working on that) ]

Lepastu aku tanya tanya jugak kawan kawan yang tukar tak dapat masscomm. Rupanya alasan dia dokumen tak lengkap. In my case; sijil lahir ayah. Memang salah aku la.

I did asking people for their opinions. Pasal this """"cinta paksa rela"""" ni. And rata-rata, even one doctor that I follow him on ig and twitter cakap if i keep thinking bout money im not gonna make it because even doktor pakar tak cukup cukup duit.

Lepastu aku nekad tukar course. Aku ingat kena quit then apply for the next sem. So I told my dad I wanted to quit. It was a mistake. Then he called me and calmed me down. Cakap, okay la. But what if I quit on CA then tak dapat pun Journalism. Betul jugak. That's why aku lambat tukar. Sebab aku nak make sure aku tak buat keputusan ni just because.... homesick. That's another story.

Tapi lepas google, and sebenarnya one of my classmates in CA sendiri pun ada tukar course. First thing first, I called my pa masa diploma. He said it was possible. I asked ada deadline ke. He said takda deadline but kena buat asap sebab masa tu 2nd week dah. It was Monday. So i asked my classmate yang dah tukar. Rupanya it is possible sebab ramai kata tak boleh. Orang atasan tak layan.

______________________________________________

Procedures:

1) Buat surat rasmi. Sell yourself here. Cakap pointer, muet, kenapa nak tukar. Straight to the point.

2) Hantar kepada kpp fakulti yang you tengah study. Or any orang atasan yang you tengah study. Because nanti next procedure nya, fakulti sendiri yang akan uruskan.

3) Wait. Min: 4 days. Max: 2 weeks. Mine? 2 weeks. Berbaloi tak balik balik Seremban asdjfgn aku dah cakap aku risk taker. Duration depends sebab fakulti akan hantar surat kau ke Timbalan Naib Canselor Akademik dan Antarabangsa (TNCAA), then if they approve, TNCAA akan hantar surat ke fakulti yang you nak, then if fac yang you nak approve, the letter akan balik ke pangkuan TNCAA and they will call you.

4) Kalau dah dapat, pergi ambik surat tawaran baru di pejabat Pengambilan Pelajar (Ijazah, tingkat 1)

5) Settle kan documents and daftar di fakulti baru anda.

6) Mulakan hidup baru di fakulti baru dengan pemandangan dan suasana yang baru.

Common mistake:

1) Konon tera, buat surat terus hantar ke TNCAA. Why is it a faulty? Prolly because youre nobody, sedar sikit!!!!! So bila kau pergi situ, staffs memang blacklist kau. I mean, kalau you hantar dekat fakulti, the procedure is like legit tau. Kiranya your fac approve your action. So jangan ingat tera terus naik office.

______________________________________________

And know im so happy. Masa first class masuk Advanced Reporting. Aku happy gila dengar cerita cerita dia. Tak berkelip mata dia. Moral of the story; do something ikhlas. Not ikhla$.

HEY SHOUT OUT UNTUK SEMUA YANG LAYAN AKU AT THAT TIME I WAS A MESS I KNOW. I did WhatsApp-ed even my lecturers and orang i dont even talk irl. Hahah. Thanks. You guys lifted up my spirit.

AND SHOUT OUT TO MY SUPPORTIVE FAMILY OMG I CRIED LIKE... A LOT BUKAN SEBAB SEDIH TAPI SEBAB TERHARU DIORANG SUPPORTIVE SANGAT.

Sebenarnya aku buat blog post ni sebab ramai orang terasa aku tak story kat diorang pasal aku tukar course. Hahah. You guys are cutiessssssss is2g hahaha


Honestly risau that my future in journalism pun nanti tak jadi as expected. But that's life. There's no guarantee. So bersedia atau tidak bolos saja dinding itu!!!!!!!


Btw, so happy to be back in the track. Can finally breathe in peace.



Alrite, stay motivated!

Personal Opinion- You DON'T Owe us Any Explanation!

Hey Assalammualaikum gaisss.

So this is just my humble personal opinion.

But I dont want people to take me wrong. But still, I know this will make me look like a liberal feminist. I hope y'all are prepared to read this.

Dear hijabis, if you wanna take off your hijabs, you dont owe us any explanation. Just do it.

You know why? Cos I personally think that's between you and Him.

If you see your friends do that and you nak tegur please do, but with right manners. Api lawan api takkan jadi apa pun. Yeap, wajib tegur. But do you really think that with your attitudes, with your offensive jokes benda akan jadi pulih?

Believe me when I say I ada ramai kawan from different backgrounds. Aku mmg suka buat kawan with everyone tho my face doesn't portray that way... Heh. So one thing yang aku boleh kata is that, yang free-hair selalunya struggle diorang aurat & pergaulan (not all), yang hijabis struggle diorang is tahan dari mengutuk. Semua ada struggle sendiri right.

I don't wanna write something radical. So this is just a short post. Aku pun bukan alim (berilmu) sangat pun bab ni. Again, this is just my humble and personal opinion.

I'm not encouraging you to take off your hijab, but if you wanna do it, just do it. You don't owe any explanation cos it's unnecessary and it's annoying. Hahah. I mean, it's your business!

_______________________________________________________________

Dear non hijabis- that's okay, your time will come. Just do you :)

Dear hijabis- that's okay, just be nice to everyone, who knows your encouragement might help :)