9 Things I Regret Doing In Life Earlier

((I drafted this 2 weeks ago so yea))

Hello Assalammualaikum, so I'm in class Advanced Reporting right now. Class starts at 8.30AM but my lecturer usually comes at 9AM. But now is already 9.22AM. Hey, diploma leavers do you know in degree there's no longer such thing as "Kalau lecturer tak datang 30 min, kita boleh balik bilik" i don't even know if the rule is real, but we held on to it religiously. But no man. They have no time for your bs nymore. Ahahaha. Yeap, for those who passed diploma and took asasi/matriks instead, we lived by that rule.

Tengok gambar macam apa aku nak cakap ni heavy and inspirational sangat kan. 

• Chose exams over family time

So, this happened like a lot when I was sitting for SPM. Circa 2014. I took SPM as a big deal, and kebetulan my family vacations pulak masa either on exam, or seminggu cuti penggal sekolah. So my family went to Phuket, I stayed home. Then the went to Pulau Perhentian. Again, I chose to stay at home. But not that alone because I had my girls slept over at my house. For days. Haha. Shoutout to Yana and Raiza! Regret... Yes and that's why it's listed as top 1. It just bummed me out when I went to intensive course at Cambridge language centre after finished my SPM and Teacher Allis told us that every time you have to make a choice and it involves between study or family. Always choose family. Sebab you wont focus anyway. 

And the fact that I sacrificed family time just to study but only got like 3As for SPM really slapped me in the face. HAHAHA

• Tak makan gulai patin masak tempoyak earlier 

Ugh, ngidam teruk. 

• Anti Superheroes Movies

I never liked superheroes movies before. Because they don't exist. But now that I think of it, I think I'm one of them. TIBAAAAAAAAH

• Choosing Quantity>Quality 

This is for shopping-wise. You know when we were younger we didn't mind buying shirts or shoes or handbags that are cheap? Well guess what, they will only last for 5 months. Whereas if you go for quality, they can last up to 5 years, or more. Always always always go for quality. But this develops thru time la. I was really a cheapskate back then. I swear to god. 

• Didn't utilize my privileges 

So ni takda la privilege sangat. But just macam thigs I did when I was younger. So when I was in primary school, I had such a hectic life. My parents were like, one of the most typical Asians you would ever find. Like I went to tuition since I was 6 y/o, I swum since I was 4 y/o. I went to violin class when I was 10. There was this one phase of my life, I had to go to the clinic to take like supplements and vitamins sebab I was too tired. Masa I was 11 till 12, I went to 2 tuition centres; Kumon, Mawar. So habis sekolah at 1pm++, terus siapkan homework then like at 4pm, I'll go to Kumon, lepastu at nights pergi swimming training, then hujung minggu pergi violin class and there are days I pergi tusyen Mawar. Like. So. Tired. 

When I was 12, I decided to like let go most of it. Violin class, swim. But for swimming, I just stopped joining competition but I still swim regularly. Plus when I was 12 my parents were splitting up at that time. So I was tired la physically and mentally. Sorta.

But now that I'm 21, jadi dugong terdampar, rasa menyesal pulak quit semua tu ahsfbakfab

Like I sometimes have a thought, if I dont quit those things mesti I am somebody right now. It's just a though anyway. 

•  Cried for hours in front of mirror

I had conflicts in my life and most of it were related to self-confidence issue after I quit swimming. Because I had period when I was 12. And kan ada orang period, nothing changes. But ada orang bila dah datang haid, physical dia lain gila. Yea, I'm the second one. Obviously. 

So, berat badan aku naik mendadak and there were times aku naik 4kg-5kg in A WEEK. But I tell yall, 2009 was not my year. Memang lain gila 12 tahun aku 6 bulan pertama, and 6 bulan seterusnya. 

So every time, my family nak keluar jalan-jalan, I took the longest time to siap. Sometimes 3 hours later. Sebab sibuk menangis takda baju and seluar yang muat. Lmao. 

I know sekarang aku nampak macam aku antara wanita terkonfiden di dunia tapi semua tu bukan dibentuk dalam few days ya, it took me years. Studying masscomm really lifted up my confidence. 

Alhamdulillah

• Let myself being a victim of bully

ahaha this part kalau nak cerita full kena ada satu blog post khas untuk "buli". But best believe I was bullied in primary school. Primary school was not my time, secondary school and university are. 

Started since I was 7. I never really liked my environment when I was in Seksyen 20 pun. Long story short, there was this time, masa class English, I was doing my work la alone. I had no friends back then. Lepastu the boys in my class took my book lepastu main campak campak between diorang. Lepastu aku pun start la gelabah kan. Tapi tak dapat juga buku, I went to toilet. Konon nak relax sekejap. Lepastu bila balik from toilet, I found that my book were spitted my boys in class. Diorang ludah ramai ramai. So I told my teacher bout it. She inhaled, and said

"Ezzani, I tak tahu la apa nak jadi dengan you ni"

wtf?

I really wanted to cry. But then I said to myself "Takpela kalau cikgu, kawan-kawan tak suka aku. Atuk, nenek, uwan, ayah, ibu, adik beradik sayang aku" LMAO ME 7 Y/O LAGI MATANG DARI ME 21 Y/O

Itu baru satu. Aku malas nak cerita semua nanti aku emo!!!1!!11!!! Thank god my mom changed my school to SMK24. The first day, I made lots of friends and the atmosphere really changed.

So yea, I only told my parents bout it when I was already in secondary school. Sebab baru rasa nak borak. Haha

• Used gossip as a magnet 

Fast forward, yea, I used this dickhead move just to have friends when I was in mid of 12-13. Taknak explain panjang sebab rasa jijik. But prolly the main reason I did it nyway because I didnt have friends and just wanna be accepted. But really, that was a dickhead move. I know. 

• When things don't go as planned, first thing that i do, is to blame everyone but me 

Percayalah most of our problems, we are the ones who created them. Don't be so grumpy. Just learn. I'm still learning, tho. I hope I can be wise.