"Guidelines" If Someone's Parents Are Getting Divorce

Hey assalammualaikum everyone, how's Ramadhan so far? Mine went actually pretty well but honestly wish I could work more on terawih prayer. Hopefully there'll be another Ramadhan for me, and everyone (who is so generous and bored enough to read this blog. lels). Not just a Ramadhan but also a glorious one! Insha Allah.

So this post is a little controversial, aite? I know. Ive been meaning to write this longgg time ago but decided to wait until the time has come. Cos yknow, I was scared that what I wanted to write and what i really write is kinda misleading. So, I think now is the perfect time.

Btw, I'm writing this mainly for the children aka kawan kawan AND makcik makcik (faham-faham jela kan) aku cos perhaps they dont know whom to share, things are too new and rare to them, and whatnot. Might as well share my experience.

So my parents got divorced legally, when I was 12. It was a really sad thing for my siblings and I to accept it cos you know, we were still kids or young teen at that time. But alhamdulillah our parents were both professionals so even though it was a heart-aching thing, our family still dalam keadaan terkawal.

Frankly speaking, from my point of view, I dont see problems from my parents but the other people from our surrounding. Read: makcik makcik, pakcik pakcik mulut macam apa. Alhamdulillah my siblings and I pun actually we were very matured at such young age, but again, our surrounding. Gosh. They just won't let us rest ok.

Oh btw, I might just write things generally. You know, just bagi sentuhan sikit je. Let me know if you're interested in reading this kind of subject more deeply ;)

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Picture's retrieved from http://www.canteach.ca/2013/04/art-show-we-are-family/

LIST OF GUIDELINES (Spontaneously writing em cos I'm a one risky gurl. Dangerous is my middle name. Heard you like bad girl so...)

1. To friends: Don't ask 

If your friend really trust you like hell punya trust, she or he would start the conversation. Growing up with this case, percaya atau tidak, aku tak pernah luahkan kat orang about it until high school cos I kinda thought that it was plain unnecessary and I kinda felt that my primary schoolmates were too childish for me to share with.... hahahaha lol Shiqin lol. Ingat matang sangat la tu?!

2. To friends: Be supportive

After they've told you about it, be supportive. Tell them that they will be okay. Wait, tell is not the word. CONVINCE them that they have bright future if they don't bother with the problems. Make them feel secured. Yknow, what I said may sound like a humongous thing but it's not really. Sangat simple that angguk kepala tu pun dah dikira supportive. I mean... to me la kan. Huhu. And for what it's worth, who knows because of your simple 3 sentences and a nod might change her thoughts and make she/he feel motivated again. 

3. To makcik/pakcik: Dont ask "Kalau ibu/ayah kahwin lagi okay tak?"

It's only "funny" because it's not you who got divorced, it's not your children were affected by it. In other words, it's not funny and it's annoying as hell. I still remembered this one aunt asked my sister that question, she freaking asked us eveyry time she met us actually, and maybe my sister dah rimas so she kinda jerit apa tah kat makcik tu. Then makcik tu macam malu and said "Alamak, sensitive la pulakkkkkk. At least respect la aku makcik kau kot". Deheck? You don't expect throwing shit to people and expect a cekelat Ferrero Rocher  in return la kan. 

..

Wow peribahasa baru.

4. To you: Don't pick sides.

Remember, your parents might not be the best husband and wife for each other, but they are such a great parents to you kan. Who knows what you've seen, is just the tip of an iceberg. Let's say, you might see it's always your mom who is a better person compared to your dad, or vice versa but trust me, it's beyond.

 As an example, I have this one uncle who is a very hot tempered person. Dia tak pukul, just cepat marah je. He and his wife worked real hard to get their children to enter an Islamic international school. Remind you, they both sell nasi and dishes kat tepi jalan for years. Worked. Real. Hard. To. Get. Their. Children. Masuk. Sekolah. Private. Fast forward, unfortunately now the wife and kids left him. At first, I was kind of biased to the wife and children because I just dislike short-tempered guys. But recently, he told us that he worked real hard for more than 2 decades kerja tepi jalan semata-mata nak masukkan anak dia sekolah mahal sebab dia nak anak dia ajar dia solat, ajar dia mengaji, ajak dia pergi masjid and things. He admitted that he has a problem in handling anger but deep down, as a father, he wants his children to teach him bout Islam for God's sake...

5. To you: Busy yourself with your hobby or anything berfaedah.

This will make you remember a little less bout things that are going on and by doing it, you're actually rewarding yourself with some "me-time". Mine was reading novels and melukis. U-lalaaaa. Highly recommend you guys to read Hlovate's novel kalau nak baca novel Melayu. I mean, Hlovate kot?! Novel dia takda orang ketiga, no "prettiest gal kena rebut ngan 2 jantan kaya hensem berstatus Syed la Tengku la Pak Jabit la. Eh?!", no mak mertua dengki nak pisahkan anak ngan menantu. kinds of shit. You can sense her/his intelligence, deep understanding towards what her/his studies, and wide knowledge on different places in ze world.

6. To friends and makcik/pakcik: "jilat bontot" diorang.

Wow not only this topic is controversial but so does the guideline, heh? Okay, by saying jilat bontot / lick some ass, it means compliment them. This is a weird gesture but a classic and a great one. I mean, everyone does this step but tak peraan maybe. Just imagine, youre doing miserably in life and then, come a person says to you "Wow, if I were in your place, I dont think I can manage to do what you just did" tak ke kau bangga satu hari, or satu minggu, or sampai kau beranak pinak??? It's like getting a virtual hug la. Yknow... I dont mean to sound cocky in this but I loved getting "Eh your parents divorce but you elok je kan?" cos I feel awh-some. Lol. 

This doest not only implement in this. You can just practice it kat your family, your friends, kakak sebelah seat kat KTM. It's not that hard to cheer people up. Like you nampak this one man sedih, why dont you suddenly puji dia. Ala toksah dok pikiaq pasai ego or malu. Just do it. 

Exactly my point, in a simpler, shorter way which I cant do, obviously.

7. To friends and makcik: Hug.

Don't ask. Just do it. This point might link to a point which actions speak louder than words. So perhaps instead of saying things like "I love you (as a friend) blablabla and would always be your listener blablabla" you can just hug and share the warmth with them :)

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8. Lastly, to everyone: 

I pray for your happiness. Things might not go as you planned, but don't give up. Stay motivated!